Elucidating Questions

We do owe something to one another

We owe eachother decency

I think that was what they were trying to get across with “do unto others as you would have done to you”

Try to treat the world like you would if you were to meet yourself

I’ve struggled with this

Not with being decent, I have my moments but I am a decent human at least

But with treating others as I would myself

Hardly Christian but that always stood out to me

Instead I’ve tried to change my shape to accommodate everyone else

Tried to be what they expected

They don’t know or recognise the selective mutism

They think I can’t communicate when I’m so full of things I want to say but can’t because of reasons

I never want to increase the wrath

They say intentions don’t matter

It’s what everyone else decides you meant that matters

That takes all the power away from my communicating

If saying what I mean to say ends up with others deciding it means different

Then why communicate at all?

I mean

I try to communicate with everything

When humans didn’t work I tried animals

When that worked but didn’t fill the void I moved on and on and on

Maybe that’s why I have to many messages

I just wish it was all in my language

I feel like I spoke them all at one time

I wonder what changed

Sol

I’ve begun to understand him

Without the insanity creeping in

So many others are just a mystery

A feeling

I wonder if he touches other people when they pay him attention?

Gentle and warm

Love is hot

And it burns if you get too close

Love is also cool and enduring like water

I don’t know if I lost what ability I had to communicate with these people

People have told me all my life to communicate better

But now I don’t want to communicate with them at all

Despite having this other human shaped hole in me

But, you know, it comes to a point, after me trying and failing so many times

Oh, that’s what I needed

Bless that sweet colour point that wanders my neighbourhood

Wandered in in between the fences and then called me over for some pets and a chat

I understand cats

I never used to understand them

But then The Cat came along and I did

Easily over stimulated

But wants to be by your side

So much body language it’s like

Well it’s like they’re speaking plain language

And it’s rarely anger

It’s almost always fear

I wish I could communicate with humans like I do with a cat

Even not knowing each other’s names

Show some love to eachother

It was fun trying to explain to them that they couldn’t come into the backyard

Hmm

There was just a spider on my face and, without screaming, I put it in the grass

I communicate so much better with everything that isn’t human

A raven caws yes

Well maybe if they’d let me practice I wouldn’t have become incapable of talking to them

I tried

But if intent doesn’t matter then nothing I’ve done has ever mattered.

That cat so clearly understood what I said, wanted, intended

And we’re not even the same species

But they?

They won’t even know the mutism is growing

Swallowing me whole like it did so many times growing up

Someone save me from these things

Mustn’t be rude

Mustn’t say a word