Elucidating Questions

I missed my chance

Tried to give myself a chance

One chance

Every regret trapped in a kaleidoscope

The colours a remnant of a fire I don’t feed anymore

That just burns beneath like a never dying ember

Gaze upon it and it lights again

There are one too many choices and they all lead to a failed ending

Too many choices I have to make to accept less for more

And besides the fire burns for one who never once set eyes upon it

But I would give it to him now

To keep warm with

I would fight my way to him

As my never dying light does for me

In these strange ways that being ultimately rejected sent me back to the wildness within me

The only one who can tell me

I will never leave you

That I would believe

As he does

In his uncanny ways

Moments one would think of as strange ever happening

In the happening

If I could send it to him

Give him a moment he can’t ignore

That everything is okay

Maybe

I don’t know because I used my one chance

She said that the chance would fly if you don’t take it

If you hide your feelings

When I see her on the floor with the music playing

I see my loneliness in her

That the child in me is as lonely as hers is

These ideas

The stories were fine when they were stories but I wear it on my skin

Now, this loneliness doesn’t fade

There’s no answer to this

Just to be taken along for the silence of wondering

I never knew my trajectory was further into the waves than ever

Ever my heart pours into the net

Never a fish

Not a creature

What could this loneliness catch?

Someone is having happy birthday sung to them

I used to feel embarrassed by that song because I was under everyone’s attention at once

What is it like to hear others sing for you?

Maybe it is very much like being in his light

In but a moment

How the moment stretches on

I failed and can be of no help to him

But I feel

Just for a moment

Like I am fine

When the fire I have been feeding lights my eyes