Elucidating Questions

I mean

We already had our year of crisis

No one reached out

If they wouldn’t even come to me in crisis

Why would they come to me when I’m fine?

No one considers the hours

I, over the last several years, came to understand why dogs go crazy waiting for someone to come home and see them

Why animals need a companion of the same type of animal

But all this realisation

That I desperately need socialization

Has led me to nothing

Because I am afraid of trusting anyone with myself

Ever

I seem so open but there is so much I don’t say

So much I was going to say but they were in some mood so it never got said

Trying to coax Sol from behind a cloud

Because my only friends are celestial beings

He seems to be planning his escape from behind them

And

I feel ungrateful

For not valuing them enough

But am I really ungrateful?

Am I?

It is my destiny to be alone?

Unseen?

Less than a side character

An extra in everyone’s lives

Nothing is never enough for me

Am I selfish?

Is this all some sick simulation to get me to be okay with having less and always being in pain but having to put on my servant face to get by

I don’t know who orchestrated this

But I hate it

I hate my life