Elucidating Questions

Just walking around in a daze

Barely here

You hear them singing about wanting to become ghosts

I am one

It’s not that great

I think there are times people notice me

Like how you’d notice a ghost

I drain from people’s minds like there is a spell on me

And unless eyes are on me I cease to exist

Impermanent

Sometimes I feel like I should have succeeded in killing myself

Because then they’d notice I’m gone

They don’t care about me as long as I’m “fine”

There was a time I wished I’d have cancer so people would notice me

Instead of thinking about how twisted it is for someone to wish they had cancer

Instead think of how lonely someone would have to be to wish actual death on themselves for just a moment of attention

How desperate for anything

But why does the choice have to be invisibility or abuse?

Why is this my choice?