Elucidating Questions

I don’t know what happens when we die

Nothing here seems to know the answer

Is the spirit as enduring as the wind?

As the water?

Does it find a way somehow in this place?

Others?

Is the only thing tying me to this place my body?

I don’t know

I don’t know what death is

Why it happens

We say sleep but it’s so permanent

And I thought nothing in the universe is permanent

How could death be?

And I see these spirits

Well

“see”

It’s not an eyes thing or a mind thing it’s just something

I can’t explain

But they’re there

They’re everywhere

I have to ignore them half the time to get by

I’m used to the spirits in this place

Not others

But

There nonetheless

A star collapses and explodes and makes tiny baby stars in its remains

At death will my soul shatter and fragment a thousand ways in which I tear myself assunder with all these needs that never got filled?

Will anyone see me?

Will I only be dead once they find me?

How many thousands of letters will I leave in my wake?

Thank the gods I’m not using paper and actual ink

3000 pages

They die but I feel them working in mysterious ways around me in the same way the universe does

Melissa warned me I was going to turn the bleach blue when I (without thinking) went to use a blue bag to try to keep the heat on the bleach in my hair earlier

I know when thoughts are me

It’s like an invasive thought but different

Like the thought happened outside my thought space and entered it

Have you ever wondered where thoughts are?

Like are they within your brain?

The brain itself must be its own universe because I don’t think these thoughts would fit there

Within “me“

Whatever me is

Electricity in my brain

Which I am never sure is me or not

Am I in my brain?

These are thoughts Sol

How does it feel to hear them all?

Maybe you only hear the ones that are talking to you

I wish I could meet all your friends

Death is scary but I do believe there is something after it

I want it to be a paradise I go to

But I have a feeling it is just one more thing I cannot fathom

And everyone here is alive

Earlier today I let out a little yell

Because dead things are around me all the time

And to past me I say, yes, but,

There is also so much life I cannot imagine it

Duality

Maybe I was on to something when I jokingly proclaimed Duo was the master of the universe

I didn’t know the word duality then

It’s absolutely everywhere

And yet so few things are binary

Such a curious place

I love it here

But I don’t understand why life has to be a struggle

I feel so at home

And so alien at the same time