Elucidating Questions

It is quiet today

I am quiet

I feel muted

The clouds hang heavy above

This weather more matches how I’ve been feeling inside

There has been a lot of loss this week

Not mine

I’ve been watching others say goodbye around me

To those I can reach I lend my voice, some words

This all good news June in which I have been watching other people get bad news all around me

In my life of no news

I can only feel their sadness meet the sadness within me

I wish to take their’s on

I wish I could protect all beings from pain

That love didn’t have to end

I have done another thing I shouldn’t have but apparently that’s okay

Sure, why not?

Maybe this sky will show him something beautiful

It’s not supposed to make you feel better

It’s supposed to remind you that the world is still beautiful

The first rainbow I saw after my sister died tore me apart

The reality that I was seeing this rainbow in a world without her

The reality that there was a last she’d ever seen

But then I saw the next

And the next

And the first I saw felt as deliberate as the one I saw yesterday

Sol grabbing my shoulder so I’d look up

I had gone to stand at the back door to smoke

But the wind fought me, so hard

So I turned around and went to go stand out the front of the garage that was open

There it was

And I will never forget that rainbow

But I don’t remember the one that followed

The beautiful simplicity came back

I saw so many rainbows over the last few months

I was so worried I’d never see one without crying again

Forced exposure by the weather

Thanks weather

I wonder if I should capitalise it

You don’t have to feel better

In fact I would almost rather you cry like I did

It took the edge off of the pain that had been drowning me

All that feeling

It needs to be felt

Dear the sky, you could rain

Just a suggestion

If you absolutely must obscure my sky, clouds, it’s the least you could do

Oh look the wind is back

How concerning

We could just ignore this strange ability to play with the weather.

Well the rain did happen

And then the Sun came out

A quiet day

My hair is currently the wind’s play thing

I wish someone would come see me

Besides these inhuman beings