Elucidating Questions

She said “do you know where to get 46 size men’s shorts in the city?”

And I said “No I’ve never had to deal with anything like that”

She says “You’re lucky”

And I plunged into the sadness for a moment

Oh yes lucky me who’s going to go home after this and be alone and not talk to another person who’s not paid to talk to me until Thursday

Which is when I work again and have to deal with customers

Who aren’t paid to talk to me

Lucky lucky

So lucky I have no friends and my family would rather I ceased to exist

Yes, yes

Lucky me

I almost laughed at her

That line “I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral”

That’s me now because I laugh when I’m in pain

I laugh when something makes me want to cry

I can’t even allow myself to feel the sadness I feel at how alone I am because I would drown in it

Wouldn’t it be nice to actually be lucky and have someone to take care of who takes care of me

It’s sick

Me being called lucky

It’s sick because I do have this strange sick luck

Like I’m not homeless

But I suffer every day and go hungry

So there’s that

I wish customers wouldn’t plunge me into the sadness

It’s hard to breathe for a moment when you’re working