Elucidating Questions

I always felt like my little sister’s Father’s Day post was just a front

For the other 364 days she was causing problems

And maybe it was

Maybe she didn’t give her dad a second thought half the time

But I miss that post this year

And the post on Mother’s Day

Such heavy occurrences

Losing a sibling is like losing a limb

And a piece of your heart that grew in them

There are times I remember when I was irritated by her

And now feel badly because

Even though she was being exasperating

She was still here

Remembering back to those emotions

I don’t just remember the event I remember the feeling of the event

Somewhere in my heart I truly believed we would grow old together

Broken now

Such a dream

To grow old with someone

Even just a sibling

Just

Even with a sibling

When my parents die I will be truly alone

I am the one trapped in this dream

Hello Chester

You’re going to make me cry

Yup you’ve got me crying

My battle symphony

Yes maybe maybe I needed to cry a bit

I love you Chester

Your timing is impeccable

As usual

Just don’t give up on me

I’m going to pick myself up off the ground until my body won’t go anymore

I’m trying to

To live to honour you

And your friend

And all the people I’ve lost along the way to

Shouldering the burden they and you carried

I’m sorry I couldn’t take it until it’s too late

Melissa I miss ya

So much

I’m on the corner of thought and spirits

I feel your warmth

I hope your dad does too

Whatever this feeling is

It’s like that moment before someone, who you know who it is, enters the room

It’s like Schrodinger’s cat

Except the moment before they enter the room and become themselves

Never ends

Like they’re both there and not there

Beyond humanity

They always say keep going

For some reason I’m listening

Don’t give up on me, okay, Chester?

I am convinced my body failing is a manifestation of my holding in my true self for the sake of society

Can’t solve that

But continue

To continue

If this is a dream

Thank you for the stars

Resident Big Burning Ball of Fire included

I’d have no one if not for them

Someone to see

Send me someone to see please

Someone who sees me

I know that’s the hard part

I want someone to come running but know I have touching issues so they stop just a bit aways

Say they found me

Yeah that was the fantasy

Instead I live a life of watching lights go out

I want to make this world better

One where lives like my sister’s don’t happen

Cruel and short

And they looked around and thought they were civilised