Elucidating Questions

Meme: this is a fabricated condition, used to legitimize abnormal behaviour and because otherwise, no one notices you. In other words, you are an attention seeking pussy with no life or friends

I mean they got the no life or friends part

But where’s my fucking attention?

If I was actually non-binary for attention, it failed

Miserably

That’s just ignoring the part where we think looking for attention is a problem in a fucking pack animal

But let’s just entertain the idea that a creature that evolved within tight knit communities it no longer has that seeking attention from other creatures is wrong

Just for shits and giggles

If I was seeking attention

I’m doing a piss poor job of it

All my many friends

All my attention

Where exactly is that at?

Assuming I should just sit here and rot because seeking attention is wrong

What more can I do to ensure I’m never seeking attention?

I suppose you’d think wearing bright colours is seeking attention

And because I’m fat I should probably just wear ugly outfits all the time because if I don’t I’m “attention seeking”

Never does it cross their minds that we “do this” because it makes us feel most at home in our skin

It never even tries to

Because they’re playing on default settings and they don’t feel anything.

I wish I felt at home in my body

I wish there was a way to make people feel how I feel when they misgender me

That like drop in my stomach that is both disappointment that they didn’t get it right, and disappointment in me for not coming through in my own body

My theyness is not obvious enough

It’s both the punishment for not being seen and not making myself seen enough

Yet all this stuff

I want people to see me

That’s all

I want people to see the me that I feel like

I wish I didn’t have to see all this hate

It’s so poisonous

Why is it so important for them to control other people?

Like I’m not trying to control people, I’m asking for respect, that’s different

But they’re seeking out people they don’t know to try to herd them into tiny boxes

Why?

It escapes me

We are so much more than just humans in our bodies

Each of us a Universe

Who knows why I’ve always hated the shape I ended up being?

The point is we’re just shapes and I want to be seen as beyond my shape

But, again, I’m clearly failing epically at that.

Seriously where’s the attention I’ve apparently been trying so hard to get?