Elucidating Questions

Chaotic

Definitely chaotic

But with a trying to be good soul?

I always wanted to be good

I started as just chaos

But then the idea of goodness and righteousness was introduced

No

Not by Christianity

By Sailor Moon

The idea that there could be an evil that needed to be stopped to keep the world a beautiful place

Naoko Takeuchi planted those seeds in me

We only started going to church when I started elementary school

I was absorbed by this idea of loving every living thing

This idea of supporting one another

The idea that Christians are good people was just about as quickly destroyed as it was built up

Good people don’t touch younger humans

Good people don’t walk in on it and then never say a word

I think it was the fact that there was a witness and that witness acted like we both were doing something

Vaguely annoying

I digress

Goodness, once suggested

This idea that you should give your all for it

Chaotic, tries hard to be good, exhaustedian

There needs to be a word for that

I don’t think I have the innate goodness that some people have

I don’t have that darkness that some people have

I’m trying

Alignments are hard

My exhaustion is what feels innate

It has been with me for so very long

My chaos feels innate

My connection to the chaos around me

Feels innate

Not the chaos that humans create

The chaos of the weather and the wild

Water

As uniform but so strange as it is

Will the water within me remember sitting here writing this?

Will it remember having been a part of me?

Too many unknown questions

Trying to figure out who I am

What I am

If pixies, angels, demons, and some chaos sprinkled on created some chimera

Of all their parts

That’s me

And some Moon Princess crap joined the party

Sometimes I wish there was a word for what I am

The clouds looked like Hermes’ face last night

Or, well, that god I consider connected to the wind and Mercury that melded with Hermes

That was a wonder to see