Elucidating Questions

I was thinking about applying for MAID

Thinking about how I can’t afford to live

Imagining setting up a Go Fund Me to pay for my burial

And this little hummingbird landed on the rose bush

And just sat there watching

I had a conversation

The Spirit reminded me if I died I couldn’t do this

But I don’t think they understand

I don’t think they realise that being alive is a privilege I cannot afford anymore

I can’t afford to keep myself sane

I can’t afford to keep myself sane

I can’t afford to keep myself fed

I can afford a shelter that is much cheaper than the going rate

MAID is for getting rid of people who society doesn’t want to pay for

Right?

That’s me.

But the hummingbird

Can’t I just die and go to a place where hummingbirds are but it’s better than here?

There’s no solution

My mum goes

It was hard for me until I got together with Al

Again

Someone would have to want to take care of me

I laughed

It’s funny

It’s all a funny joke

Jester

I’m afraid of them but I am one

The fool except the actual fool

It wasn’t a metaphor that’s just what I am

Must not sleep

Must absolutely not go back to sleep

Please

Why is it all a joke?