Elucidating Questions

There is a me in my soul that is just screaming

I was once told I threw a fit every time I didn’t get what I wanted

I want to know where my fit for being disabled and poor is

This life so far from what I wanted

And my stepdad is posting pictures of them by the fire and calling it living

My mum just sent me a passive, “I’m sorry honey!”

When I said I spent about 16 hours awake the last two days and I’m depressed because I have nothing to do and my brain gets tired of things so quickly

Why can’t I live?

Do you know how much I want to just leave?

Walk out into the forest and just die there

At least I’d be where I want to be

Somewhere out there in the woods living in a little cabin

If I have to be alone forever why can’t it be where I want to be?

And not here trapped beneath a cop whose bastardiness grows with each spin around the Sun?

If I have to be alone why couldn’t it be somewhere where I’m not surrounded by people who are living much better lives than me?

I can hear some event going on somewhere

People enjoying

I want to enjoy

Why can’t I enjoy?