Elucidating Questions

I wonder when I’ll stop writing you things you don’t want

Thought

I’m going to write him a birthday poem

Thought

No I’m not it’s not like he’ll read it

Or any of the other ones I wrote

I suppose gifts are supposed to be returnable

Something you can send back if you don’t like it

I suppose that’s where I failed

I highly doubt I’m the only one to thrust poetry in his face

Happy birthday to you

Soonish

I don’t know why I bother you are already having a better life in general than I am

You’re obviously going to have a happier birthday than I did or will or any other collection of words that means your life is better than mine

Guitars and stuff

It’s not like you have to go without food to afford your presents to yourself

In fact I bet people actually give you presents

So why?

Me?

Birthdays are complicated

Mine are anyways

You’ve got parents to think about

I’ve got the ever present oppression of being alone all the time and never being able to escape it for more than a moment

I wish you were poor and disabled and unknown like me so maybe then on the same level we could meet somewhere

Why do I even want to

This person who has pointedly ignored me for over 7 years

So then why am I here?

I came this far

On a wish that never came true

On a mission I never accomplished

Just to say hello

How I wanted hello

I don’t know why I’m here

Sol guide me, he doesn’t want anything to do with me

I thought that was my purpose

I can’t take this pointless life anymore

I can’t take it