Elucidating Questions

Whomever is writing this story

Has a sick sense of humour

That the one thing in my life that stays is something I cannot really talk to or

Rather

Cannot really talk to me

The one friend I see every day is the thing most people take for granted

Pack bonding with the light because it’s all I have

And I do love the Sun

For whatever reason

Truly

But then I think about human connection and how I’ve never really known it

And it feels like I never will

Right around when couples on TV seem to be mocking me

Even their hard times weren’t as hard as my hard time

That image in my head of him covering my head with the pillow

And sometimes I want to say it’s not fair

All these fucking rich people spouting “you don’t get what you want, you get what you need”

Or some variation of it

It’s like reality taunts me sometimes

My mum and my step dad up island together

Together at least

I guess I wasted all my friendship in my teens on someone who was going to turn me out in favour of a person who kicked me out of her house with no explanation and suddenly hated me

I wish people would tell me why I’m so repulsive

Would the Sun leave if the Great One wasn’t holding him thus?

It feels like I always get in the way of myself

I feel like an alien trapped on an alien planet

But the alien planet is my home planet

I just laughed at the concept of pronouncing Josh as Yosh

I really don’t know how long I can live like this and not completely lose it

Every time something feels new and possible it’s not either because I’m sick or they forget about me and I can’t invite myself into their life

Every time I’ve tried they just go

Why are my closest relationships with these beings that can’t even speak plainly

I feel like a ghost

Like an afterthought

Unseen

Unknown

I feel invisible

Why doesn’t anyone see me?