Elucidating Questions

I rarely say I’m good at something

But linguistically?

Most people didn’t teach themselves Japanese up to second year college

Most people didn’t have grammar patterns introduced in the advanced Japanese textbook once studying in Japan already memorized

Most people don’t have so many other pieces of other languages in their brain that they fight for dominance

Also my cognitive decline

As frustrated as I am with it

Only has me at struggling at normal

Instead of just incapable of speech

And I’ve seen that in other ME sufferers

You can tell me to be humble

But there’s an irony in telling that to someone who only says the positive things that can be proven about themself

And the comment was within the context of

Now I’m understanding why no one understands me

Not in an I’m better than anyone way

Who can say that being gifted with language is even a good skill?

Could I transplant to somewhere and just pick up the language?

Probably

But that’s useless when I’m trapped here

And the bonus of no one understanding me

Because I speak an alien language

It’s not exactly better to not be understood

Useless gifts abound

I know how to carry a tune

Draw a circle

There’s the Earth

I cannot draw a circle however

Every time I recognise something good about myself someone comes along to tell me I’m on a high horse or have a big head or whatever

I don’t know why people think me being good at a thing makes them bad

Because that is the only reason I can think of for someone to have a negative reaction to someone else having a skill

Facebook is wild

My choices are

Be attacked for being me

Be ignored

Or be attacked for speaking positively about myself

Which

I mean, readers

We know I’m not exactly positive about myself, yeah?

The once in a blue moon I am someone comes along and tries to tear me back down

I don’t think they realise how far they’re tearing me to

Humans are dangerous

The internet has taught me that

And interacting with people face to face is harder because I just wonder who they’re attacking online now that we’re all professional bullies selling off our data for a chance to harm someone else

Am I ever safe?

The internet has made it possible for me to get groceries

But the people who bring me the groceries aren’t paid fairly

The internet has connected me to billions

And they’re mostly monsters walking around in human suits

And somehow I’m just deeply pained

That this world is such a lonely one

And we don’t celebrate one another for the actual good parts of eachother

There is so much unright with this world