Elucidating Questions

We were supposed to go to Pride together

My sister and me

And at once I was angry and hurt and overwhelmed by how angry and hurt I was

And the knowledge that it’s going to be like this

Every first

Mother’s Day was so hard

When my manager handed me a discount card that would have been for her

Customers casually discussing the deaths in their family and whose funeral they’d been to

There was no funeral

Someone tell me how there was supposed to be a funeral from a person on a disability pension and a retired Navy vet?

It’s sick what they make people pay for

Oh, yes, our daughter just died and now we get the privilege of paying 10k for the whole process

Sick

And I’m helpless to help because I can’t even afford rent each month anymore

And these little things I do to keep myself sane are costing more and more

Caught between never getting the chance to say goodbye and not wanting to ever say goodbye

I’m so mad at you Mel

I’m so mad at you for doing this to us

I walk out of a solid year of doing hard drugs unscathed

She does drugs with her new boyfriend a couple times and this happens

It’s not fair

Sol tell me

If we’re all part of you

And you’re a part of something else

Do we go home at the end?

Do we wander endlessly?

I yearn to see once again those I’ve lost but

I’m so afraid of eternity because I’ve never experienced a good thing for any length of time

Something always comes along to blacken the experience

I also don’t want to go to a place that is away from you

My dear Sol and planets

I would miss this Earth

I want to go to a place where

Where it’s alright and I’m safe and sound with you

You know

Blatant plagiarism

But that’s what I want

All these people and creatures in my life that have been but a moment

You’ve been the only one who doesn’t reject me or end up lost along the way

Not that I know whether you have the ability to reject someone

Sol

Saturn

It’s just so hard to believe she’s gone