Elucidating Questions

Just had to have one last big hurrah wasting mum and dad’s money

Sometimes that’s how I feel

And then there are other times where I’m just desperate to have her back

If she had lived I could be angry at her

But it’s just moments

Where I want to lash out and blame

Grief

Grief is like being caught in a room full of flying keys to a thousand doors that you swear contain relief behind them

Being torn to shreds by the sharpness of the keys

You try the tiny doors but when they do open

It just feels like there are more keys

More doors

The floor is lurching below your feet

You can barely stand upright

But outside the world is continuing on as normal

No one sees your room of keys and doors

And at once that room must be contained within as life continues and you are forced to continue in this strange doubled vision of keys and rooms and

Everything else being completely normal

Where you must be both searching and at rest

Trying to stay on your feet and walking assuredly one foot in each place

Trying to keep pace with this endless going

Remember when a community member dying meant the community gathered

Why, why, does a person dying cost the family thousands of dollars?

Isn’t that one of the first things the government should take care of?

Body barely cold

Pouring over paperwork and laws and filing this and handling that

Grief so fresh it’s still a taste in their mouths

Better kill them with paperwork

Well we’d make more money that way anyways

Right?

Society so addicted to profit it can’t even wait for a moment while a family grieves

My bereavement pay was $90

That was fun

Lucky I even got $90

But isn’t that sick though?

No?

Insanity

Another point of view, I had always considered the people who would have to go through it

But I went through it and now I’m what?

I’ll feel more pain when I hear of this happening

One more experience to add to the growing pile

Of things that make me hurt more to exist