Elucidating Questions

I really just wish there was a point to all of this

Seeing romantic relationships on TV just makes me sad

Seeing people with friends just makes me lonely

And they have friends who will take care of them

Do you really think I’d need all this weed if my space was filled with something other than the sound of my own mind trying to drown me?

There is nothing for me here yet I persist

And I don’t know why

Someone else could do a better job at being me

My never meets expectations self

And my never meets expectations life

And one of my friends posted on Facebook

Look I wrote a book of poetry will someone test read it for me?

And I laughed out loud

Right because you were so supportive 2000, 1000, 500, and 1 poems ago when I shared the link to my site

Fuck that noise.

I am no longer giving more than people give me

And I’ll still be in agony but at least then people will have left me the fuck alone so I stop getting the hope that I’ll be anything but.

If I chose this life I’m a sadistic piece of shit so maybe I deserve it

And I’m afraid of death but afraid of living one second longer in Hell.

Maybe death would be quiet and I would be free to dream

Gee wouldn’t it be nice if $200 just showed up

Fuck this life, man