Elucidating Questions

Maybe I’m the sacrifice of my family

Living the consequences of lives I don’t even know the names of

Maybe I really am here to look back and be appalled

Then look around and be appalled

Maybe

Maybe even in all the failures of my ancestors

Me being here is special

Maybe I’m here to be the person they never were

Who they couldn’t be

Cursed DNA asside

I’m definitely not the worst person on the planet

No matter what my brain thinks

I’m more aware of everything than anyone in my past was

Whatever racism it was that kept my lineage Celtic and Anglo-Saxon

With that wee bit of Norse in there for good measure

White as hell

And actually aware of it

I hope I’m doing a good enough job, just being as best I can

Trying

I hope that trying matters even though I was told there’s no such thing as trying

There is only fail and succeed

Which means I’m constantly failing

But then I’d be like who would tell a kid that?

If it was anyone else

I wish I knew that right words

The words to make everything better

Ah well

If there’s a word for it in Japanese

It must mean something

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