Elucidating Questions

You let me hang around

But you pointedly ignore me

It’s not like you’re big famous

There are only so many comments on your stuff

Thank god you’re not big famous or I’d actually have to hate you

I often see you interact with other things

Oh I’ve wondered just how invisible I could be

But I don’t think I am

I think your poker face is your face being behind a screen

Yet I can’t even get you to read one

My entire dream

My whole purpose

Was to get you to notice me

And I shake my head and laugh because it’s always this way

But this time I decided,

Since literally no one else in my entire life notices me

I’d go after the big one,

Why not?

Sigh

Sometimes I wonder why I hang around

7 straight years of being pointedly ignored

You’d think I’d get the point by now

But when I try to move on and away

I find myself wondering

If you’re okay

Like it’s my right to worry about a complete stranger

Who wants nothing to do with me

Like all the other humans out there

Really, if anything, you’re not special

You’re just the same as everyone else in my life ignoring me

I have a Facebook where I frequently post about how lonely I am, how sad I am, how much I struggle

Radio silence except my mum care reacting

It’s kind of like that

I say something to you and other people like it

And that really doesn’t achieve anything

I mean it was never meant to be for likes except yours

Like from the beginning, please just follow me

Show me I’m here

I suppose I’m creating today because you’re creating

Suppose my recent need to create is because you’re working away

That’s how it was last time anyways

I’m just sane now

Mostly

Partially

Sane enough to put on a neat little mask to hide the insanity behind it

And, truly, for some unknown reason, I care greatly about your well being so I have to pretend or how will I maintain the ability to check your Instagram every week?

お互いのfugue

Or something

Be well, blue star

Be well or I’ll have to come fight people for you