Elucidating Questions

I really do think I cease to exist

When I’m not in front of people

What is left must be a ghost

Some inhuman thing

That maybe once was

People don’t seem to quite grasp how alone I am

What being alone all the time does to someone

How could I spend any more time by myself unless there was an apocalypse?

Unless I was in jail?

When I had my overdose

In the minimal moments of consciousness being rolled through a hospital

My brain thought I, the worst person on Earth, had finally been apprehended

At my least cognitive I believe I am the worst

Sometimes I think of that and I try to trick myself into thinking otherwise

But how am I to believe anything when I am this alone

Texting just gave people the option to never have to actually check up on people

Because they can trick themselves into thinking texting “how are you”

Is checking up

I wouldn’t let someone live like this

Except me apparently

But how am I supposed to stop me from being alone?

Conjure up humanoids that won’t live without me?

Like everyone lost it during COVID

And most people were with someone

7 years

Like this

And all I wanted was hello

And I never got it

From anyone

I honestly don’t know how I’m even the least bit of sane that I am

Hearing people be together around me

Always around me

I don’t know

I really don’t