Elucidating Questions

Watch this psychological mayhem

I don’t usually hold people to my standards because they’re high standards

But I’m nothing special so said standards must also be nothing special

So here I am confused that people don’t know what I do

While simultaneously not wanting to hold them to my high standards

Even though I’m pretty sure I’m just as much of a dumbass as any other solar result

But I can’t possibly know more than the average person

Because that would make me above average

But acknowledging that I’m above average would be narcissistic

I cannot be special

So if I’m normal does that make all these other people below normal?

I thought average was the most common

I’m so confused by people not finding the same patterns in society that I have

Told all my life I’m one of the “smart ones”

Then told if you think you’re smarter you’re probably not

Life is so chaotic

You’re this but if you think you’re that you’re a terrible person

I wouldn’t even think I might be better if so many of the people I run into weren’t the worst?

But if so many people are the worst then what does that say?

And I’m so fucking special

Special disease

Special isolation

Special poverty due to the special disease

And I’m not fucking special

Yeah I’m weird and I think differently

Put any other human through 8 years of isolation

Yes, it’s special

I still get to be a customer

Or be a cashier

Never me in front of anyone

But fuck me I’m not some great being or something

I cannot view myself as anything other than another human

I can’t be unique

Not in untold billions

Somewhere in history there must be other mes

Right?

So I don’t know maybe they just don’t know the same things as me but they know the same amount?

Who knows?

Is it the same gods that rained incessantly for days when I was out but stopped as soon as I was in?

Do they know?

I wish I could speak their language

I don’t even want to be special

Really could have done just fine with average

I mean if I am something special

The bar must be really fucking low

If anything I’m number 1 at hating myself but still living

There are the sirens

Maybe I should go hide for a while