Elucidating Questions

Today was a hard day

I was alone

I cried

I checked my bank account several times hoping a miracle had happened

I sought understanding and was met with yet more men who don’t seem capable of understanding anything.

People incapable of empathy.

Many times I’ve wondered if this life is a punishment

People are impermanent.

Constantly needing and not having.

I see people living lives worse than mine that still have friends and support

Many who don’t

Is the human condition really to want forever?

I feel selfish. Always hungry always lonely always not enough money always not enough.

I tried to be settled

I tried to accept what I’m given

Why is there never enough food and never any faces to see and never any sounds to hear and never enough of anything for me to feel…

I just wish I could feel safe.

No fear of rent not being paid

No fear of starving to death in this sick fat as fuck body that doesn’t lose weight

No matter how much I fucking starve it

No fear that the last friendly face that wasn’t paid to see me I saw was over six months ago and that it will in fact be my last

No fear that I’ll just die because I’m so unhealthy but I literally cannot afford to make any changes that could possibly save my life

Poverty is sick. I do not understand why humans created it.

Isolation is possibly the best form of punishment. Because it eviscerates the psyche of the person going through it.