Elucidating Questions

I want to socialize

Like one of those humans I see walking by my store, with friends

Do I even remember how to be friends?

Is that why I don’t have friends? Because I can’t remember how?

I don’t know how to be like them all

Whatever face they’re showing I suppose

I can’t say they’re free and being themselves

Surely more of them feel like me like

The insides and the outsides don’t meet

But they always seem to be enjoying themselves those humans talking to each other

I’d like that, to talk to someone who listens and understands

I always find it hard because the therapists they seem to get it but no one else seems to get it

But maybe it’s their job

I don’t know how to have a relationship where I am fulfilled

I’m always filling other people’s missing spaces

I’d like to have a relationship

Any relationship

Where I feel like my needs are met

But then I wonder, simply,

Am I asking too much?

Is the reason no relationship has been fulfilling because I have impossible to fulfill fulfillments?

That’s just such a funny looking word

I don’t know what is too much

So afraid of too much

Everything seems like too much when you have nothing

Next to nothing

I don’t want to discount what I do have

But everyone else has friends that want to talk to them

And I have friends who can exist with or without me

I’m not something special to anyone

I don’t expect the perfect relationship

But friends would be nice

I’d like friends