Elucidating Questions

It’s one of those times of the day that I just sit and think.

Think about what I’m doing

Think about what I’m going to do

The current thinking is commonly surrounding money

How will I afford to live while waiting for Persons with Disabilities designation

How will I afford to keep my collection of rodents while I’m working far less and not able to make any more?

I’m mostly thinking

What do I do?

It’s all about this dip

I have to be poor to qualify

I can’t be any more poor without my entire life falling apart

Apparently poor is not poor enough for these people

But then how did the person applying for service afford the internet, printer, ink, and electricity to apply in the first place?

I had to borrow to get my application done

I wonder if that’s what everyone else does

I want to direct them to this site and tag every poem regarding pain and force them to read every letter and just see for a second

If they could just see for a second

It doesn’t escape me that I’m a disabled person who will be being judged by a probably able bodied person on whether I’m disabled enough to deserve funding

I’m so scared

So scared that somehow my suffering won’t be good enough for them

I just want to feel well enough to take a shower again

I just want to feel well enough to do the laundry again

I just want to feel well enough to clean my house so I can have someone over and actually see someone again

I just want to see someone again

I’m so tired of being alone

Just want someone to share my space for a while

And it’s not offense to the people I work with

Bless each and every one of them, they are intricate people

I just need to see someone when I’m not being forced to behave in a way

That’s what I’m thinking about today

Just going around in circles

I just want to land