Elucidating Questions

I am impressed with how much pain my body can go through

You have no idea how much pain I am in all the time

Sharp pain, aching pain, burning pain

Sometimes my skin randomly feels like I have a sunburn

My feet and back hurt from standing and then I feel like I’m being stabbed in the side

It’s quite impressive

How many types of pain I can be in at one time

The fact that aches fade into the background like a noise machine that’s on too loud

That my brain or my nerves so whichever can just create this sensation out of no where like

I know what being stabbed feels like and I think I’m going to feel it right now

Sometimes it feels like my skin is too tight and my muscles are trying to get out

But it’s all made up

I’m not injured and I’m not hurt

But it hurts

I wonder how many people before me had this disease and lived through it like it was normal

How many of those with feeble body and constitution had what I have unnamed

I think about survival

And how if I was in an earlier era I would be completely screwed

I can’t imagine suffering with this and fighting to survive

Not that I’m not fighting

A different kind of fighting

It’s more like struggling

I know how lucky I am to be born in this time with this disease

And that’s fucked

That I’m lucky to have a disease because of when I was born

I don’t quite know how to take it

And I’m in so much pain

Like on a scale of 1-10 (one being discomfort and ten being blacked out from pain)

I’m constantly at a solid 5 or 6

Never below a 3

And I don’t want to live this way, but I do and I will

It just boggles my mind how the body can make up

So much pain