Elucidating Questions

Why can’t by mind just enjoy a good time?

Rather pepper me with feelings

Everything is fine and I feel sad and lonely and hopeless

There’s a possible new person to get to know but I can’t let myself grow attached

Must stay six feet back

There’s no good place to state my case

I feel how I do and then

What does it change?

Feeling helpless and hopeless

Does something fix it?

Who will fill this hole?

Nonsexual

This is a nonsexual hole

More like a hole in the shape of my heart which I squished into paste and then filled all these pages with the contents

Something like the gaping hole in my chest where there was a heart

And now it’s just gaping

Do you fill it with love?

Tears?

Does “time” heal it?

Who is Time and when do I meet her?

There’s still so much to fix

I mean heal

I suppose they’re two different things

Why do I feel like this?

Everything is fine

Just grit your teeth and ride out the waves and kick the undertow in the face and

Make sure my head stays above water

Please gods let my head stay above water