Elucidating Questions

Sometimes it feels so wrong not to have a penis

And I dress myself

But other days she dressed me and I’m suddenly

It’s hard to have nothing running through

No chemical brovado

It’s so wrong

But she can’t be that

I couldn’t put her in the box so I could be comfortable

I couldn’t stop her from being alive so I could be alive

So we both live and she wonders

If there’s something wrong with her

Our shattered mind between us

Sometimes she dresses up so pretty and I see her/me in the mirror and

God she’s so pretty

But what the hell am I?

Sometimes she hears me and I watch with guilt as she turns that question into knives for herself

Finding herself fat and ugly instead of my finding her

Pretty obviously pretty much pretty soon

We’ve flipped and she doesn’t recognise my thought trailing behind

Only the way she felt coming into it

And the question remains

What are we?

Why?

How?

And I’m not crazy she’s not crazy you’re crazy

We function just fine without you

Except for the crushing loneliness

Except for the neverending alone time story

There are two crows

Sitting on the line across from me I look at them looking

And whomever remembers comes forward but in the endless river of

All alone

Tonight

Alone all

Alone tonight

Alone

Neither of us could pass the test of being asked

If we wished the other gone

Because I sure

Sure have

I sure have

Wouldn’t it be so much easier

Without the twins dancing in the dark

Waiting to be told we walked away

When we stand here

Fingers intertwined

Staring

Waiting