Elucidating Questions

When you log in to Facebook

You learn your brother had his wisdom teeth out

Your other brother has a shoulder injury

You learn your mother picked out a wedding dress without including her children

You learn all the things no one could be bothered to tell you

A treasure trove of the life you’re missing

Not a part of

An observer

Instagram

Is a place I go to stare at people I don’t know having a far better time than me

I go to check on the one I love and look at him and try not to cry and remember when scrolling through his account was like

This is just the beginning

Soon I’ll be able to tell him everytime I see him how I feel

No

Twitter is where I go to pretend I have friends

Twitter is where I go to pretend any of these famous people give a flying fuck about me

All the while sitting here

No call

No messages

No updates no

Do you want to come over and keep your injured siblings company?

Just go!

You might say

But my mother always taught me I wasn’t welcome until I was invited

And I’m not

I’m not invited to the life they live without me

I’m not invited to life

They say

If you love someone then let them go

Bye-bye

Tash Lindsay Mum Hilary Mom Trystan Colwyn Devon Meghan Wade Kevin Sasha Sophia Amber Mike Matt

They don’t come back

Sometimes they come along and say

We should meet up!

What they mean is

I’m bored with my box right now, but there’s no way we’re meeting up

Goodbye

And the life I lead

Is alone

I wake up

I feed and water my fluffy piggy friends

I go to school/work

I go home

Minimal interaction with classmates

Customers aren’t people

Coworkers are coworkers

And then I go home

And I do so alone

No one calls on the phone

No one

No one messages me

The last message I received is dated March 2

Before that February 28

26

25

24

19

18

13

12

January 29

27

22

15

December 25

Do you want to know that I adopted animals to save my life

Selfish

Did you want to know how much I want to die but I will never abandon them

Do you want to know that every day I live

Watching other humans interacting

Friends

Family

Phones

They often travel in packs

Or I see them fervently typing messages to those who aren’t present

I wish I could do that too

If only when I’d come and said

Joshua Ramsay you are the only person I have left

If he’d believed me

Joshua you’re all I have left and I never had you to begin with

I have nothing

I am nothing

When you let what you love go

It runs away

And never returns.