Elucidating Questions

I need some help right now

I imagine myself sending him

I need some help right now

Foolishly I imagine he hears me and says

I’m not a psychiatrist contact a help line

I don’t need a help line

I imagine saying back I imagine how I feel right now

I don’t need some guy named Nick but not really Nick

They have fake names you see

And he’ll say

Just get through to tomorrow

Just make it through

Which is great but I haven’t seen anyone since my birthday and before that I hadn’t seen him for a month

Showed up for a disjointed dinner

I impose on them

When I’m not there my sister speaks

I don’t know if I’m real right now I feel so shut off

I see these beautiful lives and I know I make it to tomorrow because I have to feed them but

I feel so empty like I’m going to implode on myself and I don’t

I don’t send him that message

And none of it happens and

I’ll be fine I’ll just get high and fight the night and go to sleep and if I still feel the same way I’ll love through it

You don’t really need me

He’d say

You need someone else

Dear someone else

He’s wrong