Elucidating Questions

I was imagining shooting myself in the head

A woman’s bag hit the seat beside me just as I pulled the trigger

Snapped back to reality where really

Everyone just doesn’t have time for me

No no no

He says, shaking his head, he may as well be waggling a finger

Everyone just doesn’t think of me

Or they don’t think of me as someone to talk to

I need a gun

He says

And that’s why you’ve never had one

Perhaps

But I enjoy the sensation

Of shooting myself in the head until I get to the part of

After the bullet hits

Is it just unfathomable

Does it really just end

This is my life then?

This is it?

Working in retail and then working maybe as an English teacher if I even still understand English and am not babbling meaningless drivel into the hole

Every day with people talking down at me like I’m somehow lesser than them

No friends no family no…

No anything?

No one to love or just someone who loves me

No one to talk to no one to sit and watch movies with no one to go out with no one?

This is it?

And every day is agony and every day I argue with myself from go as to why I’m even still alive

Start to finish

I can’t love myself

You’ve never had to live with me

I really can’t wait for the day Nobody dies.