Elucidating Questions

I’m not thinking about you

I’m just thinking about all the things we could have done

And I’m not thinking about the hole

I’m just thinking about how you used to put me back together

Before I begged you to break me

And I can’t be like you

No, I’ll never be like you

But it leaves me

Battered, broken, and bruised because all I ever wanted was you

The rose coloured sunsets and messages in clouds will never replace this hole I dug out of my own heart trying to make you see

The moments in the day I find myself running away to try and staunch the bleeding heart I gave to you

But now I’m barely breathing because the oxygen is leaving and you’re

You’re not even hearing

So if I’m the one to blame

Digging my own grave

Am I guilty of what it seems or just a trick in the seams of the tapestry

And I’m not thinking of you I’m just thinking all the things you don’t say

I’m just thinking myself away

Thinking up a story where when I take the plunge you’re on the other side to catch me and I don’t end up shattering

And once upon a time it was a fantasy but now it’s shreds on the floor

Ever after seemed so tempting but I know now I’ll find it nevermore

Forget about knowing you because I don’t know myself

I’d give it away to know you

Waiting at the door for someone to be waiting for me

And I’m not thinking of you

I’m just thinking how you’re beautiful and I’d never deserve it, the beauty of you

No I’m not thinking about you

I’m not thinking about you