Elucidating Questions

Your first mistake

I whisper in the dark

Was thinking that time passes the same

You and I

You say

It was last Friday

I say

That was two weeks ago

At least

You say we have this conversation every day

I say

Every day feels like a week to itself

When it’s starting to feel better I am afraid

Why is time moving faster than usual

Why is this now that

So it’s rather like a person whose never driven a standard before is driving my life

Lurching about

Hours and days don’t really relate anymore

Barely aware of what day it actually is

I’ll tell you

I don’t know how I get to work half the time

I’m surprised I only made one mistake like I did, showing up too early

I don’t know how I don’t forget what day things are supposed to happen

It’s a talent probably

You don’t understand how time passes or

Rather doesn’t

For me

You can’t understand how an hour becomes a day

Or a day becomes a week

I remember being able to remember things I couldn’t

But now I don’t even remember the simplest of things

It’s like my mind can’t hold on to them while I’m trying so hard to hold on

And you don’t understand that either

Because macho men don’t have feelings and acknowledging that emotions exist somehow is detrimental to your man status

Which I don’t understand

How do we live in the same world

Where’s the you with your exact everything but with feelings I’d like to meet him I’d

Rather just have one chance somewhere else but it’s all I’ve got

Don’t bother worrying about me because I

It won’t be you that kills me

It’ll be the silence.