Elucidating Questions

I don’t understand it

You must not tell people you’re suicidal

You may disturb or upset them

Silent to the grave

Carrying your life in your hands

Hush now not a whisper

No one needs to know

And that is why people kill themselves

Truly you ask for the silent to cover up their need for help in order to protect the masses from

Discomfort

Not death, not self harm, not jumping off a cliff.

You’re making people uncomfortable so stop

This closed mind, closed eyes, closed heart, closed hand

Around the throat of the dying, hoping they will cease the words

I want to be dead

And you tell them

Keep it to yourself

Or you ignore them like you ignore bad behaviour from a dog

And I know that every human is as self centred as the next because all they ever experience is themselves,

But to say the life of another should be forfeited simply because you don’t feel comfortable hearing about it

So when the starving approach do you scuttle away thinking

Oh woe is me I’m

So uncomfortable

And the masses they gave silence to those dying of silence

And then were confused when the silent faded away into nothing

Sometimes I think

I wish I had died because they all deserve to have to deal with my suicide in their faces and unignorable

Because I kept telling them plain as day that I was trying to kill myself and they

They

But I’m the fool

I’m the one who shouldn’t make people uncomfortable with my suicidal thoughts

Because I’m the fool who never succeeded at it

And why

Is suicide a joke until someone succeeds?

I may as well be a laughing stalk because I know if anyone saw this they would simply say

A juvenile call for help

A whiny bitch

But if I succeeded I would be

Loved by all (a lie)

Missed (a lie)

And

If only there had been a sign

Besides the neon one which reads

If you leave me alone for too long I will die

That they scoff at as they walk on by

I wish I had succeeded

So that they could choke on their own air

Because I’m serious but it’s a joke until I succeed.

And I keep saying

I need somebody to talk to

And they keep replying

Well I don’t want to talk to you

You make me uncomfortable by being suicidal

And what is to be said by the person alone in a tiny room waiting for

The miracle that will make this

I need someone

But I’m unwanted

Because I need someone

Stuck in a whirlpool

Yanked into the undertow

It’ll be a joke somehow

I’ll die from being hit from a car or cancer or falling buildings

And it will be so sad

But no one will know I begged for it the night before

And no one will hear my cries

No one will know where the heart lies

Because if he knows he doesn’t care

And if he doesn’t I don’t believe he would

Because I don’t believe in good people anymore

A good person, perhaps.

But certainly not people.

It all just seems like

Look at me I’m so charitable

Which isn’t the point

Kind hearts don’t make a new story

Or tell suicidal people to shut up with their silence.