Elucidating Questions

In a night sky where all I can see clearly is Sirius

I whisper

They’re too far away

And the following fumbling silence

Like, did they really say that?

How many lightyears?

To be said

Truthfully

But it couldn’t possibly be that fast

But I love them both and they shine so bright

Can I pretend they were made for me to have but not to keep?

How do I say thank you for a billions year long existence

They say it’s enough

They say we don’t need to be reminded how old we are

Aunt and Uncle

I just don’t know if it’s appropriate to have hope I’m so used to life dropping me as

Terror becomes cautious optimism

Just as I think I can fill my lungs with air

Yes

Maybe just there to remind me that some stars have two.

Spinning around eachother until one day they consume eachother and become something new

Maybe I’m afraid to become something new because something old has faded from blue into a colour of grey I never knew I never knew

It’s like you try to build yourself up and this

This face we’ve all created this

Voice of the masses that rings in our heads just

Doesn’t come on quiet it comes on like a sledgehammer to the face

So simple a thought as

I feel pretty today

Turns into an hour long battle with the face inside that does not want you to believe you’re beautiful and worthy

Every time something happens I want to ask if it’s a proceed with caution yellow or orange or a proceed, but also with caution, green or blue

And if I’m still sitting in the backseat saying

Love will tear us apart

Help me piece it all together darling

I hate this part right here

Where I know I need another who can reaffirm the affirmations that so quickly become a whisper under the stream of consciousness

And the weight of life on Earth.

How I hope to find you tugging on the end of the string and hoping it doesn’t lead me far far away from here

So far away

Gwyddyn

Sometimes my mind teaches me languages before I know them

Odd I know

Do I take it and love it?

Not ordinarily

Apollo you called me mundane

Did you really think a sunset would fix it all at once?

We go through these moments

Where I wonder how long I can hold a grudge against a ball of fire

While cheating on him with other balls of fire

Conversation just to keep the mind awake

Every plane

いってらしゃい

After all

I want to go home

But maybe I can start here for now.