Elucidating Questions

Someday if only I’ll wake up and life would have been a dream

Watching out the window as someone jumps

And wishing I had the courage to do so myself

I don’t know what I’m afraid of

Perhaps it’s everything

Perhaps I’m afraid it just ends because

I would be accepting just how useless awful meaningless pointless my existence is

Because what if it’s a revolution and I have to start again?

Because what if there’s a heaven and I’ll get to find out that’s not where I belong

I’d probably wake up and be right back where I am now

Back in the light of the day I

Think of what my day is going to be like

And I cry

Just as I cried myself to sleep

I don’t want this life

This life is pointless

I’m lonely

I have no purpose I have no ambitions I have nothing

And this?

This whatever it is doesn’t help me it just sits here reminding me how much of a disappointment I am my life is

I wish I could stop

Waking

Writing

Breathing

Everything

I just

I wish it was the end every night and then I wake up and I realise

I don’t want to