Elucidating Questions

Kay so it’s midnight

Midnight midnight they are breathing

And the terror grips suddenly all at once like a

If I die it all goes away

All what

All this

All everything

What if it ends with nothing

And the grip of fear that slips in suddenly I’m afraid

Where did you come from?

Where have you been?

Fear of death

Not you dear you’re a metaphor and a planet

Sobering sobering

Just breathe you’re not dying now

For fuck’s sake

Crying because is this really all my life will be?

One life you get

To remember

I wish I knew why I think he hates me

I wish I knew how he felt and why

I can’t understand this

How can such contradictory beings exist in one shell

Sunday I was in love*

*again

But it wasn’t the sweet pure love of before where everything could happen

So I don’t know what it is

Did you think I couldn’t hear you

It’s always about her

I remember so fucking clearly

The moment I felt like you let go

And what the reason was

But it doesn’t amount to anything

Any of it just silence in the ruins of a land gone before time could try it

Gone before a darkness that settles over it

Chasing my tail

I wish I could just

Sleep until it got better

Hey it’s just so hard to not hear how everyone hates you every day when your only companion tells you so over and over

Again

Naming the demons and the diseases doesn’t change the fact that the terrible things that get thrown have become the things thrown at me by the terrible

Sharp objects in the form of words

It doesn’t even matter if I’m not a liar if I am trying my best if I’m trying to be as good as I can be

My biggest support

Is the one throwing tomatoes from the stands because there is no support

Just the face underneath my skin

The one that laughs every time I believe anything

Or feel anything

I can never be sure because this unreal coincidence stuff just exists in parallel to the thoughts that wander

Filling the halls with rasping gasping breath

One more one last try

Straight from a seven to a nine.

I wish I could call you valentine.

I wish I wasn’t alone tonight.