Elucidating Questions

I say

I want to go home

I don’t say the heart palpitations are bothering me

I don’t say

I just blacked out while talking to a customer and I don’t know if that black out was just me standing there staring into space,

But I don’t remember anything or remember what we’re talking about

My head hurts

My hands aren’t working

My fingers keep not working

I’m so frustrated with my body

I can smell

Everything

Hear everything

The lights are so bright

I’m unable to say all of it because

It’s a thin line between suffering and wanting to fix it

And how much guilt I feel for suffering and for imposing it on others

By being

I’m such a cry baby today

I cried because that girl got hit

I cried because the music was being mean to me

Cried about how sick I feel

Cried about dogs

I wish I could have one

Or a cat

Or anyone

Anyone?

I wish I could be surprised that no one wants me

Because then at least I’d have a justification for why it hurts so much

Even though I can’t blame anyone