Elucidating Questions

It keeps coming

It’s burning my skin

I can’t describe it you have to see it for yourself

I hate it

And I don’t have any way to fix it

It just happens

It never happened before and I don’t know why but

The waking up in it is like driving out of a hole and then right back in

Don’t quote me on it I don’t know how I do it

It’s like

Is that an innuendo or are you serious?

Yes.

Can’t quite describe the feeling no one has ever really

Had to live with me like this

I mean it

So

It broke but it’s all exactly the same

Just without

Feeling like it’s obvious

Or something

Can’t quite find a reason to reason with anymore though I keep trying

So quiet gone watching don’t know exactly why but it feels like there’s something I’m missing and I don’t want to be missing anything

Because if I miss it then

I really don’t know where I’m going

I’ll run out of conversation topics

I can’t do that there’s a wall there

I put it there

I asked for it because I know if I get in too deep they’re too young to

They’re just kids so I can’t really

But I’m weird and I’m sick and that’s just about all I’m sure of in my personality

I wish being sick wasn’t a part of my fucking personality

How can I not be garbage?

Tally it up for me

Are my genetics worth passing on?

Am I acceptable breeding spawn?

Do I even possess the appropriate mating rituals and techniques to properly fool something into loving me?

That’s what the whole

Display is for right?

Am I a good person?

Does anything within me really scream out that I

I don’t understand why wanting to see other people as happy

And wanting other people to be able to enjoy themselves

I don’t understand

Why that would make me a good person

Because wouldn’t it be normal for someone to think that of others

I don’t understand

Why that means anything why that means anything at all

I get into fights with the invasive thoughts that answer when I ask the question

Questions

Who what when where why and how

Do you

Don’t know

Everything

Sometimes

In the moment

Because it’s all so beautiful

By knowing that it wouldn’t matter if I threw it all at him

Because somewhere in my heart I must have known from the start that I was about to ruin

Everything

For myself

There’s no way I believed

Ever

That someone else would love me

So I don’t understand

The

Fucking

Question

Your honour

Whose honour

Yours

Whatever honour is

Whatever that means

Figure it means about the same thing as justice wouldn’t you?

Which is why it doesn’t make sense.

Both principles make no sense to me anymore.

How strange to strip them of human things that are not

In fact

Anything but an

Ideal

Which is so incredibly personal that there would be billions of them so what? Like

That

Yeah whatever people don’t do it very well anyways

Look at history

Running off into a strange quieter my head hurts

My hand hurts

I’m still awake because I don’t want to dream again

I just want to sleep.