Elucidating Questions

What beauty

I see an exhausted person reaching out for support and all the terrible words that pour out

Well

I mean

I reached out for help and he never even could be bothered to say he saw anything so I shouldn’t feel guilty but I’m hideous

And I woke up so many times last night like

Hey we heard waking up is hard for you would you like to wake up every two hours?

No?

Well that’s the joke isn’t it you don’t get what you want or need or wanted or needed

Like how many times do I have to wake up before I finally get to die and never wake up again and why can’t I just

Be dead

No one wants needs loves me

They’ll take it personally

Yes I do love you

But they don’t because I’m invisible and I should just be dead

Why am I here?

I can’t escape him…

Please make him leave me alone I’ve been begging for a year for him to just leave me alone because I know

I know he’ll never love me and I’m a monster and he’ll never see me and he thinks I deserve to suffer. I’m ugly. I’m stupid. I don’t have any beauty.

I’m not good enough.

And he’s right so just kill me please.

Stop reminding me how fucking great his life is without me

Like everyone else’s life is so much fucking better without me

I can’t sleep I can’t be happy I can’t have what I need

So shut the fuck up

I just wish I could be dead…I just wish I could be dead.