Elucidating Questions

I don’t know what to say

Back to day one and not a moment goes by when I don’t want

Don’t want to wonder why he’s still not here

Doesn’t even acknowledge my existence

It would almost be easier for him to hate me

At least I’d be seen

It would almost be easier for him to turn them on me

At least I’d know I’m real

One year later and there is an irony

After all I’m sick again

Just like I was sick last year

The year before

Next year what happens happens but he never called

He never came

Never

Oh you poor thing as time exists I know there is a me about to begin

This horrid trap of a year

At least his year was better than mine

At least he got to do something

At least he got to go places

Even though I

Wish I could look back on this year as a positive

I have somewhere that is a home

If only he’d seen me and liked what he saw

But it’s over now

One more short chapter of nothing to enter in to the

Searching for a family the family disappeared as the friends went farther away and everything I reached for

Was out of reach so

What was the point of this eternity of pain and sadness and loneliness and I know it won’t get better

It doesn’t get better

They always say it gets better

But Jake is still in jail

No but he may as well be

Josh still acts like I don’t exist when all I needed was a friend

Even though I loved him

He ignored me

So why does all this exist when I can’t do anything and they don’t want me?

What was the point?

Someone’s going to yell

Happy New Year

But what are the chances?

What are the chances?