Elucidating Questions

The rest of the book is empty.

I tore every page I wrote about him out.

Somewhere they rot.

Just like the hours I spent trying to connect to him and make him feel loved.

He grinned and said,

I have more followers. I don’t need you.

Because I am replaceable.

Because if I go there’s half a million more where that came from.

There’s more so why fill the fucking pages

I remember the sheet from my 27th birthday well.

The book is still dirty from when I threw it in the mud and cried alone under a tree.

But I threw it out.

I tried to set out on a journey to make him feel loved and wanted and he said

I don’t need you

And

What could I possibly gain from knowing someone like you?

And I said tears. I said months and months and months of tears.

That book was supposed to be what I gave you to fill you in on every little thing

But you wouldn’t accept it and so I tried to explain what was in it

Everything I did was to try and show you I was an honest person who wouldn’t hide anything from you who loved you so much and wanted to make you feel wanted

You couldn’t even be bothered to click a heart on my twitter post pretending you read it.

Just like him.

Maybe it’s you two who are meant for each other.

Maybe you and the wolf should go live happily ever after and I was just here to deliver the message.

Maybe you just hate me on principle and I will never understand

I want it to be my time of dying so I don’t have to live through the “until it gets better” because he tore my heart and I passed it to you without even looking at it and you

Wouldn’t even look as I passed it to you

And it fell to the ground.