Elucidating Questions

December 2017,
He didn’t even know how to feel anymore. His brain never left him alone. Always repeating the same thing.

What a terrible person you are, you don’t deserve to be here, shut up.

Who should shut up? Why did his mind hate him so much? Why did no one else have to hear about how much their own mind hated him all the time?

How was he supposed to feel love for himself when his mind wanted to remind him about a time when he made a fool of himself in 4th grade instead?

Always being reminded about how everyone deserved happiness, but him. Where was self love supposed to be between his mind telling him he deserved to be erased?

He craved peace. More than anything he wished for silence. Every day he fought his own brain.

“You should just die.”
“Maybe later.”
“You don’t deserve happiness.”
“I know.”
“You’re a terrible person.”
“I’m sorry.”

Once he had argued back, but he was tired. Surely if his brain had years of reasons why he was terrible, didn’t deserve happiness, and should die, how could he argue?

But every day, even if he wasn’t able to put up a real fight anymore, he still put up resistance. Every night he went to bed and prayed for peace.