Elucidating Questions

Why are you narrating me as if you’re me?

I ask the intrusive thought that sounds ands resembles Cecil.

Well someone has to.

Intrusive thoughts are intrusive.

As the name suggests

I wish they’d give it a rest I’m so tired my head aches from how inside it I am

Like there’s a blackness around me so deep so gone so empty

Can’t get away from myself

Oh

Hell

I can’t escape this nightmare of voices that just berate me and hate me because I hate me and they hate my so I make sure I know they hate me

By making sure I know what they think of me

There’s just nothing worth living for.

Nothing.

It’s just not worth it.

Every moment is painful or sad and the moments that aren’t are gone and are eclipsed by the colossal size of the pain

It’s not worth it

Every day behind me screams to me

Why are we still here?

And every day before lies dead and alone and walking but never seen never known never finding home

And in the dream it’s getting dark but I don’t like this part either because I know

Because she knows she has to get up tomorrow

And it’s just not worth it.