Elucidating Questions

Moths on the window ledge

Moths on the screen

Sometimes I wonder how they got in but not that they’re there they come to me.

Usually they die.

Visited by the darkness I wonder why but I guess no one will ever know

Like it’s crawling on the shell of my ear

Tap tap tap

Precisely

And I don’t know where I go in the world it glows out of control

But these things that happen around me happen and I think

Should have would have could have doesn’t mean anything.

Because in each moment there could be action

But instead we’re gone and fractioned

Into quarters who knows why

Every time my mind tells me it wishes it wasn’t playing

I don’t know really.

I mean I’m not enjoying my life but in life maybe life is suffering and then you die

All I’m saying is cutting that short may be a blessing in disguise

Mine anyways

Don’t go on murderous rampages some of these people want to live but shouldn’t all suicide be compassionate?

Or something

Maybe nothing

Maybe I’m nothing and it doesn’t matter anyways at least if I go out I go out on my own terms go ahead sun and burn the idea of cancer

Because he’s Apollo get it

No just make me go away I’d rather not suffer more.

If my life could be better in any way

I’d need a friend

One to listen one to listen to one to play with

Do anything

But I know

I know I’d have to put up a barrier to myself as always

A prick on the end of my right pointer finger

It lingers

Sharp

No one ever hears the harp

Or the sword or the reaper swinging through it

They can’t count the candles burning or the wands holding them up there’s nothing there

Just a scratch at my right bicep

Why?

My face hurts like I’ve just scratched it that burn from scratching an itch slightly raw

From twenty minutes ago

Will touching it make it better or worse?

Finger cold pain in cheek bone

If I could be free of this incessant and distracting pain maybe I could hear you

But I can’t explain that to every person

Can’t illustrate it back

That the biggest reason that never leaves

Always gets the last laugh.