Elucidating Questions

So relaxed here so floated

I’m lonely but the feeling is eroded

I didn’t have the strength to tell him I felt the same way

It wouldn’t have mattered, but what can I say?

Passing memories

Not memories

Regrets

They’re always stronger

If I close my eyes it’s dark if I open them it’s

Still dark

Something about it

Makes everything real.

But I’m not anymore

I wasn’t and I wanted to be

But I’m not any more not really me

I put on this play whenever I go out acting so

However it is

Hand picked

Hand painted

Hand washed

And faded.

If I tell them I’m down I’ll just feel the nothing get louder as I know in my life there are three choices

The feather whose life is far too precious to be darkened by me.

The one who would get angry at me.

And the one who would shut down and say nothing

No where to go.

And there could be an expansion of this tiny lonely world but that would take trust

No, no, no

Not again and not ever I won’t open my mouth because everyone was here now I am without and I doubt it wasn’t my own damn fault every fucking time.

But that doesn’t tell me how to fix it

And I’ll never be able to trust myself.

I can’t even trust myself to keep myself alive.