Elucidating Questions

I only wanted to tell you to let you know that I was going to kill myself in that room in January

I don’t remember what day it was I had no reason to

I was going to do it because I had worn myself down into nothing

I couldn’t speak

I couldn’t eat

I couldn’t drink

I couldn’t do anything

I couldn’t sit still

I couldn’t feel

I felt like nothing

I wanted to be gone

I felt like it was just time to do it

There wasn’t any fear

When I do it these days it’s always through tears

But I had no reason not to

It had simply gone that far

I was so empty

I couldn’t hear any songs

I was going to do it

I’d written my final note

I had no where to go then

But I tried to find my way out

I tried to turn the door knob, but it wouldn’t turn

I tried to lock and unlock it,

But still it stayed firm

Turning to try and find a way to get myself free

All the while your music, which had led me that far,

Kept my mind running, trying to keep myself from dying.

The only way out

Was a knife upon the table

I tried to use it, to unscrew the handle,

But it didn’t

And I for a reason I don’t understand

Still felt I can’t speak

Not a sound could be had

I got mad I started knocking on the door with my hand and no one would open it

So I tried again with my hand but it still wouldn’t budge, so I gave it a slam

Still no one came

So I just gave the doorknob a yank

And finally it opened and I’ll be frank

Not one person who was in the house seemed to think it was strange.

I took back my phone I walked to the back door

And

Told her I wanted to die and she said

I know

And nothing more.

Nothing more.