Elucidating Questions

I have no come back for you.

You’re right in every way of course you are.

I just don’t know what the point is.

Besides the point in my skin.

I just don’t want to wait for my life to be over to be happy.

I just don’t want to have to wait another nine-thousand-eight-hundred-fifty-five days to be happy.

Look at me,

You say with the hardest of expressions

He’s been yelling at me

We’ve been fighting

You say,

You won’t be happy if you go out this way.

But I can’t believe you because there’s no proof and I can’t feel anything

I need proof.

You whisper

I love you too but it doesn’t make me happy

Because you’re gone and he’s out of reach

Hermes says things like

Leave the absolute trash in the past

And Saturn says things like

It’ll all be clear and you won’t be the one crying

Or met with a shut door.

But where am I to go until that happens?

You understand right?

You understand that their “time”

They think I’m impatient but twenty-seven years isn’t a short amount of time to be desperately wanting to be happy

And finding nothing

It’s short in the grand scheme but I’m in it and it never ends.

They think throwing away thoughts and feelings takes a breath

But I want to be happy now

Why wasn’t it him?

We have so much in common it’s not fair I don’t understand everything hurts and you want me to just walk past it like it was nothing.

Chester that’s mean

And incorrect.

They don’t deserve to be carved in your skin. They don’t deserve to have marks on your body. They don’t deserve to be carved into your memory and your arms and legs.

This is punishment Chester.

They deserve to be heard.

And my skin is what hears them.