Elucidating Questions

It was too much to ask for something

Anything

Let alone great

If it was even close to how I pictured it

It would be asking for too much

No jumping out at me with everything

Let alone one thing

It was too much to ask

To even be acknowledged by someone so much better than I am

I can’t keep imagining because I can’t imagine myself happy anymore

It doesn’t exist

Happiness for me

I don’t remember what it feels like

Eleven months since I pictured it

The clock will strike twelve

Without so much as a glance

I was wrong and the summer is gone

The rhythm doesn’t subside but I can’t do what they’re doing

There’s nothing left here to think

I don’t hide the words I say anymore because I have to take responsibility for my monster

Spirit of

Compassion

Bled dry

Everyone expects it from me

One person shows it always.

No one else offers it as readily as they demand it

Demande

Not surprised

When am I not about to break?

The wolf isn’t coming back Chester.

He’ll forget I exist.

Just like everyone else does when they don’t see me.

I keep trying to tell myself it’s for the best because without him this mess may have gone different

Like there’s a part of my stupid brain that thinks if I hadn’t slept with him then maybe

I wasn’t unfaithful to anyone because I wasn’t in a relationship

But if he expected it

I wish I could disappear too

Over and over again

Found it

Mike

I wish I didn’t need to wake up every day

Blood is still pouring

And pouring

And pouring

Yes I know hang on

I don’t know what to do anymore

This entire circumstance

I even said it felt like an inevitability

I knew if I said no he’d go

And he’s all I had left

Every move is fucking calculated

NEVER QUESTIONED OR DEBATED