Elucidating Questions

You’re just throwing out the trash.

You’re just getting rid of the garbage.

You’re just doing what everyone does.

Everyone dies so why would it matter if it’s here tonight or somewhere five hundred years from now

Every day without you is punishment

This weekend was just the punishment leading up to the punishment

I want to say goodbye forever because I’m afraid of every you that follows you

And all the others

I think the reason I can’t be positive is because there’s no positive in my life.

You tried so hard and I can’t be good enough for you and I’m sorry you had to go through knowing me.

I’m sorry you had to go through it but you’ll forget me just like everyone else

It’s not just you it’s everyone.

I go missing on purpose and no one notices.

I want to throw away my phone so that every time I look at it there isn’t no call or no text or no message or no anything

But apps calling me back

Because I wouldn’t be looking at it

I’m sorry

I don’t know how to find positive all alone in my room every day all day I tried I really did but it’s not here either and I just want to go home where I feel safe

Like that one time you hugged me and it felt like I was safe

But I’m not going to be safe

I don’t want to be safe

I’ve been cutting every day aince…

I don’t know how long it’s been two three days who cares there’s no time here

I spend hours staring at nothing or plastering fake smiles to swollen faces demanding more into their guts that don’t fit in seatbelts

But I don’t remember

It washes away in the pain like the worst day of the flu every day and even once people realise you’re not contagious they still act like you are

Every moment with you stood out in those moments that never seemed to end when I sat right where I am will be always will be

When I just longed for a friend

You’ll always be better than me

You’ll always be worth more

But I’ll send you this you won’t read it if you do it’ll be the same thing as last time

You don’t like it and you won’t like it too

But it’s goodbye so there has to be an ending right?

So do I start this over or title it Dear Wolf

And then edit the last, first, one and end it with Sincerely

A name?

I hate all of my names. I couldn’t even name myself right.

I don’t know.

It won’t matter.

At the end of the day

I’m still stuck here

And you’re gone away.

So goodbye to the seldom found only light that lasted this year.

You’re just following all the others.

You were the last one here.